Alcoholism and Awakening

Can one awake being dependent on the most addictive drug after Heroin

When I became aware of my way to gain Consciousness, I was already a strong user of alcohol. One of my earliest remembrances of this state was sitting at the closest Bus Stop to my Home after getting drunk with my Substitute Teacher and having Sex with her. My mother came to bring me Home. How could she know? I was 16 at this time, and my drug history had just started then. I always hated alcohol, but when I joined the Fellowship of Friends, it was the only acceptable drug. In the early days, having our vineyard, I was in charge of pouring wine bottles in the morning in large pitchers so the wine could breathe a little for lunch, although the wine master, Karl Werner, said it was only drinkable after another 10 years.

Then came the phase of controlled drinking, mirroring the Greek Classics of a Symposium, where one gets slowly drunk by uttering some essential thoughts.

So, I got hooked on the only legal drug in my School.

Now, 40 years later, I am still struggling. Although people tell me that when you are drunk, you cannot have any higher moments, I wake up often in the night and be present. I experience my Presence now, but maybe there is another Presence I do not know yet.

So here I am in Berlin, waiting for a bus to Moscow in three days. At that time, I will visit the most beautiful statue, the Nofretete. I promised not to drink today, so this is another day of being sober. Hopefully.

Be so kind and let me know what you think. Do I fool myself, or is this just the final step before Awakening, when the devil inside me is firing his last ammunition?

Thank You, Klaus